Once More, with Old Ones

A Dark is Rising musical spectacular, by Eildon Rhymer

(with apologies to Joss Whedon and Susan Cooper.)

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1. Oldest of the Old

The scene is a bleak and misty landscape, that could be any time, any season, any where. MERRIMAN wanders alone, wearing clothes that could belong in any century. As he walks, he sings:

MERRIMAN: Through the endless years of hope and sorrow,

Staunchly I uphold the Light.

Centuries of men have passed before me,

As I fight the Dark,

As I fight for Right.

I have lived alone, without true home,

For no-one mortal knows,

That I'm oldest of the Old Ones,

Wisest of the wise.

No-one ever penetrates my… guise.

So wrapped up is MERRIMAN in his song that he fails to notice that some MORTALS, clad in the clothes of many different centuries, have wandered in and are overhearing him. Or maybe MERRIMAN wants them to hear, and this whole singing thing is a Cry For Help. Who knows?

MERRIMAN: I was once a seer, and kind of mystic,

Spouting riddles everywhere.

Once I had a beard, a long and white one,

And a pointy hat.

MORTALS: And a witch's cat?

MERRIMAN: What's the point of that?

MORTALS: We just heard him sing a wondrous thing,

So now all mortals know,

He's the oldest of the Old Ones,

Wisest of the wise,

Call the papers! Oh? Alarm! Surprise!

The reason for this exclamation soon becomes apparent. While the MORTALS have been singing, MERRIMAN has raised his hand, spread his fingers, and mouthed a single word. The MORTALS wander off, looking confused, wondering why they are on this hillside when they just popped round the corner for a loaf of bread.

MERRIMAN: I must stay this way forever,

Always wandering, resting never.

What's my name this year? Whatever.

And I'll always be,

Oldest of the Old Ones,

Wisest of the wise,

That is how it was.

That is how it is.

That is how it always will be.

2. How exciting!

The scene changes to Cornwall. It is a sunny day. Three children cavort around a tall man with white hair. The children are SIMON, JANE and BARNEY. The man is MERRIMAN, but he is a far cuddlier Merriman than seen in song one.

SIMON: Oh, how exciting!

We're here in Cornwall,

Where the natives speak

In quaint and funny accents.

JANE: Oh, how exciting!

A secret message!

It's like we've landed in

A book by Enid Blyton.

BARNEY: Oh, how exciting! Someone's lost a Grail.

And I will find it,

I'm soon eight,

And so I cannot fail.

SIMON: It could be smugglers,

Or wicked forgers,

Because in children's books

Like this it's always smugglers,

and the children vanquish them,

and no-one dies, and - woo! - this is such fun!

MERRIMAN: It's not exciting.

The Dark is Rising...

JANE: It's so exciting...

Clouds suddenly pass over the sun. MERRIMAN throws off his cuddly great-uncle coat to reveal flowing Robes underneath. He flings his arms wide in a true wizardly pose and, to an accompaniment of dramatic lighting effects and show-off camera work, he sings:

MERRIMAN: The Dark's not a children's game, the Dark's not exciting.

Wait until the second book for truly chilling writing.

And why am I called "Merry"?

An Old One like me needs more dignity.

Dark, Dark,

The Dark is Rising!

BARNEY: ...or maybe burglars?

CHILDREN: It's so exciting,

We should solve it fast.

Because we're back at school soon,

And the hols they never last.

Oh, how exciting....

The scene of the CHILDREN and MERRIMAN freezes. The camera pans back to show an ASSEMBLY OF EVIL-DOERS, who are Rising in the hills and moors and valleys all around. The very observant among the audience (or those who have read it pointed out on fan forums) will notice that the Rider is not present. As they Rise, the ASSEMBLY OF EVIL-DOERS interrupt the poor CHILDREN and steal and sabotage their song.

ASSEMBLY OF EVIL-DOERS:

...The Dark is Rising!

We'll fill the world with fire and fury.

The Dark will triumph with great glory.

Apocalypse -

Won't that be nice!

Traps and whips -

How they entice!

Mankind will grovel down before us,

And all will join in with our chorus.

We have to win,

We have to fight,

We have to sin,

To crush the Light.

We'll fill the world with fire and fury,

The Dark will triumph with great glory.

The Dark is Rising!

And no-one can defeat us...

VERY SMALL AND NEW EVIL-DOER, sotto voce:

Except the Old Ones.

3. At the dry cleaner's

A young woman is standing behind the counter, with that smile that they teach you on Customer Care courses, in the "how to deal with awkward customers" module. Said awkward customer is the RIDER, thus explaining his absence in the preceding song. He is holding up a robe that was once black, but has now been cleaned to a lovely rose colour.

RIDER (furious): You got the black dye out!

THE QUEUE (impressed): They got the black dye out!

4. Under your spell

HAWKIN is staring sadly out of a window, onto a world far removed from the world of his birth.

HAWKIN: I once was just a peasant,

Tilling my crops, without you.

It did not seem unpleasant,

It was all that I knew.

But you raised your hand,

Beckoning me from the land.

I'm under your spell,

Whisked away in time,

Far away from what was mine.

I love my lord so well,

Clad in Light sublime,

And me in my green coat so fine.

I've seen a world enchanted,

Standing there at your side.

I saw things out of stories,

Things that no mortal yet spied.

But you stood so near,

Told me not to feel fear.

I'm under your spell,

Snatched across the years,

Laughing, yes, but shedding tears.

You love me, lord, so well,

That you dragged me here,

Risked my life, despite my fear.

You made me afraid.

In the background, MAGGIE BARNES starts to dance, slowly, slowly edging towards HAWKIN in a seductive fashion. HAWKIN at first shrinks from her, but gradually he begins to sway in the rhythm of her dance. By the time the song ends, they are fully dancing together, though MAGGIE is leading.

HAWKIN: Light conquers Dark,

But you have broken my heart.

I'm under your spell,

How else could it be,

That you'd dare do this to me?

I loved you, lord, so well,

But you loved not me,

But you broke and shattered me.

There is a flash of darkness. When it clears, HAWKIN has been transformed into the WALKER. The WALKER shuffles across a bleak landscape that resembles the landscape MERRIMAN was crossing in the first song. It cannot really be called singing, what he does, but muttering.

WALKER: You made me this way.

You made me this way.

You made me this way.

MERRIMAN watches sadly, but does not show himself.

5. I'll never tell

WILL is zipping up his seventies-style coat against the winter chill. As MERRIMAN waits for him to force the zip past the fake fur, he starts to sing:

MERRIMAN: This is the boy I was destined to mentor,

Isn't he fine?

Just yesterday he was dreaming of Santa,

Now he is mine.

I'll teach him how to be,

An Old One there alongside me.

The only trouble is...

I'll never tell.

WILL: This is the man who told me I am

An Old One like him.

(Though not so old, or so wise,

Or so hairy, tall, or so thin.)

I'll never let him down,

I'll never give him cause to frown.

There's just one thing that...

No. I'll never tell.

BOTH: 'Cause there's nothing to tell.

MERRIMAN: He's young..

WILL: He's cryptic,

His orders are elliptic,

And once he was a mystic

In his Merlin phase

He's old…

MERRIMAN: He's tiny,

He's sometimes rather whiny,

He's not much more than nine,

He's in his green-stick days.

WILL: This thing gets rather scary.

And it's taken me unwary,

For I once was ordinary,

Like James and Paul and Mary,

But it's all very well,

'Cause, Light knows, I'll never tell.

WILL: When things get scary,

He goes! He isn't there! He -

Leaves! It isn't fair! He -

Ought to help me, you know.

MERRIMAN: He clings,

He worries,

And goes off in a hurry,

He never...

WILL: He eats strong curry!

MERRIMAN: It is chili, you know.

He...

WILL: Look at me, Merriman! I'm dancing!

WILL starts dancing up and down the room, very rhythmic and showy. MERRIMAN frowns, before joining in, but his dance is a traditional folk dance. It is clear that he strongly disapproves of "those new-fangled dances them young Old Ones are doing nowadays."

WILL: You know, you are my master,

Though I dance faster.

MERRIMAN: You're the littlest immortal,

Though your dancing makes me chortle,

And your body is so....

Young and... er... young.

MERRIMAN: He's old…

WILL: He's older.

He's wiser and he's bolder.

MERRIMAN: That's why I'll never own up

That our fate's in his hands.

The end's uncertain,

Before the final curtain,

Darkness could be surging

Over all of the land.

I lied,

I said it's easy,

I've tried

But there's there fears I can't quell.

Will he falter when he must be strong?

WILL: Will I let him down and lose my song?

Will I fail to do what's needed,

By youth and fear impeded?

MERRIMAN: Will I fail him like with Hawkin,

Who's trapped in endless walking?

BOTH: Am I dreaming?

Am I waking?

Am I hoping?

Am I faking?

WILL (quietly): Before the end you're taking

All my friends as well.

WILL (louder): But, Master, I'll never tell.

MERRIMAN: I swear that I'll never tell.

My lips are sealed.

WILL: But you hear my thoughts,

You know it all.

You know me well.

You know me

Well.

6. Bad Day

The RIDER (now in black robes, but only his second-best ones) is being chased by HERNE THE HUNTER

RIDER: I've been having a bad, bad day

Oh, hunter, put that sword away.

I'm asking you, please no,

It isn't right, it isn't fair,

There is no Darkness anywhere,

They've scattered holly everywhere,

And Christmas lights with all their glare…

And someone dyed my underwear.

7. He waits

We see a beautiful island set in a silver sea. A noble-looking man with a beard sits on the shore. He is attended by chaste and beautiful maidens, but he pays them no heed. This is Avalon, and he is ARTHUR.

ARTHUR: I died

So many years ago,

Or I would have died then,

If the Light had let me go.

So now I'm here in Avalon,

Wondering how you grow.

Oh! Oh!

I'm scared,

Fearing that you pine.

Did you know your mother's touch?

Do you know you're mine?

Am I just a tale to you,

My child born out of time?

They say,

I have a part to play,

Fighting in the cause of Light,

To save another day.

I'd rather spend one hour with you,

The future come what may.

Let me see my son.

Let me see my son,

Let me take his hand.

I'd rather have his love than rule

The whole of this fair land.

So I endure in paradise,

Until the time has come,

For me to see my son.

They say,

I was brave and bold,

Standing 'gainst dark minions,

The strongest lord of old.

But when I fear I've lost you,

Oh, then my blood runs cold.

Let me see my son.

I know I should go,

I should let you live a happy life,

Should let you thrive and take a wife,

And live in comfort, free from strife,

Though it strikes me harsh as any knife.

Let you go, and live your life…

Oh, no! I can't, my son!

Let me see my son,

Let me take his hand.

I'd rather have his love than rule

The whole of this fair land.

So I endure in paradise,

Until the time has come,

For me to see my son.

Why won't you

Let me see my son?

8. Alone, with a secret

Floating slowly under the ocean, we see the GREENWITCH. Watched only by us, the unseen audience, she opens her leafy mouth and sings:

GREENWITCH: Does anybody even notice?

Does anybody even care?

9. Temptation, with dancing

(The pedantic might observe that this scene does not appear in the books. To such accusations, the author retorts that it jolly well ought to.)

The RIDER (whose cloak has now been dyed black again) accosts WILL on a lonely road. WILL tries to flee, but the RIDER is on horseback and catches him up. He dismounts, and WILL prepares to fight for his life, but instead of attacking, the RIDER starts to sing and dance:

RIDER: Why'd you run away?

Don't you like my... style?

Why don't you come and play?

I guarantee you a great big smile.

I come from the midnight forces,

Where minions ride on pretty horses.

So what do you say?

Why don't we play a while?

I'm a smile in the night,

I'm the shadow of day,

I'm the thrill of a fight,

I am lovers at play.

You call me - I'll come at a canter,

I bring things like drinking and banter.

Now you're tempted! That's what it's all about.

'Cause I know how you feel, boy.

I know how you feel, boy.

WILL: You mean, you're a good Rider? Is that what you're saying?

RIDER: The Dark is Rising. Is that so wrong?

We've been underdogs for far too long.

Join with us, you'll never be lonely -

Won't stay behind, the one and the only.

There'll be others there, joining you in song.

Come to the Dark, my dearest boy -

Oh, sweetheart, do not wince!

When I am lord of all of the world,

You can be my prince.

'Cause I know how you feel, boy.

WILL: No, you see, you and me,

Though I am rather flattered...

RIDER: I'll make it real, boy.

WILL: I am staunch with the Light -

I thought that it mattered.

RIDER: I wear clothes of velvet so swirly,

(But manfully so, and not at all girly)

WILL: Well, the cloak is quite nice,

But I know you're a liar.

RIDER: Join with me and say no to angsting!

Yes to the sex - and it's me you'll be thanking.

WILL: I'm too young for sex,

And your rhyme's truly dire.

RIDER: Dire?

WILL: Uh-huh

RIDER: That's it. I'm done tempting you. I'm going home.

To think... I would have given you anything

And now you'll be alone,

That's what the Light's about.

10. Never be. Never free.

WILL is tossing and turning in bed. MRS STANTON and a DOCTOR tend to him. Far away, MERRIMAN watches it sadly through a magic mirror.

MERRIMAN: You're not ready

For the world outside.

Just a boy who needs

His mother's side.

Lost in sickness,

Secrets locked inside.

But I…