(The first paragraph is unchanged from the main story, but is included just so you know where the story branches off.)

Anyway… Rodney still doesn't look very happy, does he? He looks distraught (this is how you feel after you've eaten too much birthday cake) and – oh goodie! I mean: oh no! – it looks like this is going to be one of those stories that positively wallows in angst (this is a bit like when you play in thick, gloopy muddy, muddy mud). Well, at least Rodney doesn't look like a sad and grumpy Rodney any more. No, he's a distraught Rodney. He's a panic-stricken and terrified Rodney. But at least he isn't grumpy, and we should always look on the bright side, shouldn't we, children?

Oh! Look what's happening! All the wallowy angst seems to be causing Rodney to have a revelation about his true feelings for John, caused by beer and John's near death. (Revelation is a long word, and you'll learn what it means when you're older, but it hurts quite a lot.)

"Doom!" Rodney is saying. "Friend! Dead! Love! Idiot! Truth! Beavers!"

John is stirring weakly. (Yes, Abigail, just like we did in cookery time last week when we made coconut ice.) I wonder what he's saying to Rodney. I wonder what Rodney's saying back.

Yes, Charlotte? You think Rodney and John should play with each other? That's a very good idea! What do you think they should play? Mummies and Daddies? That's a good idea! Doctors and Nurses? That's a good idea, too. You think they should play with toy trains, Joshua, and make the big red engine go into the dark tunnel? Um… maybe later. Or maybe sooner.

Oh! Oh! Look what John and Rodney are doing. No, Samantha, it isn't naughty. We aren't allowed to say naughty any more, in case it stigmatises children (that means covering them with red paint and laughing). Instead, we have to say "silly." How silly John and Rodney are being! What a lot of pink the illustrator must have used on that picture! Shame about the soft focus thing, but we can dream, can't we, children? We can dream.

Where was I? Oh, yes. John and Rodney beside the sun-dappled stream, all pink beneath the soft sunlight, with happy bunnies plunging into bushes and happy moles rejoicing in their tunnels and all that happy animal stuff.

Yes, Charlotte? You're confused and don't know what Rodney and John are doing? Well, I think that John got some blood – ketchup, I mean – on his clothes, and… and Rodney had to help him out of them so his Mummy didn't get cross with him, and then… then Rodney had to search to make sure there was no ketchup anywhere else on John… Yes, Adam, even down there. It gets around, you know.

And… Well, you know, I think I'm going to take this story home to… er… study it more, so let's go to the last page. Does Rodney look happy now, do you think? Yes, that's right, he does. At last Rodney has found a proper friend to play with, and he's never going to be sad and grumpy again.

Well, until tomorrow.

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END

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For parents and teachers: Ideas for extension activities

Make your own interactive pop-up John and Rodney dolls

Materials:

Lots of paper (pink, smooth and silky)

A knife

Dowelling (firm, stiff and thick)

Glue (white, thick and drippy)

A ruler (at least 12 inches)

Goggles

Oil

Method:

1. Trace the templates (see page 99) onto the paper. Cut them out.

2. Using the knife, slash at point A. Slash at point B. In fact, slash all over the place. Slashing can be dangerous, though. Be careful to wear your goggles.

3. Trace the templates on page 100. Stiffen them with dowelling, measurement to taste. Cover with glue.

4. Fold the paper into the complex position pictures on page 101. If the workings stick, lubricate with oil.

5. Insert tab A into slot B.

6. Repeat.

Back to LJ for the non-slashy extension activities (though you'll have to scroll down)